Well actually I turned 30 like 5 months ago so I am well on the way to the BIG 31!!! Where did the time go. I just got over turning 30! now it is coming up a year! I had all these things I wanted to do before really getting into the "Dirty Thirtys". Like travel more, save more, weigh less, have a loving relationship..... And what have I done so far? Spend shite loads of cash and nothing else. hahahaa. no I should be crying.
Sitting here waiting for second chance Sunday, Desperate Housewives and I thought I would write something.
Today I had to re-assess my life. What am I doing, where am I going and is it where I want to be right now?
Now and again I have these - reality checks - where I have no idea what I am doing in my life. I have always believed life is what you make it and for me (and most likely a lot of you out there) I am too lazy and scared. It is human nature to not like change. We get comfortable in our daily routines, and then you get stuck in a rut.
Luckily I get bored easily with routine and basically get so frustrated about where I am that it would force me to make a change. Well at least think and mull over it for a couple of months. Yes I am a procrastinator. One of the best.
right DH is on now.
1am
As per usual. Can't sleep. So I will continue with my ranting and raving.
I think I feel old because everyone around me is younger. In their 20s. Ahh the 20s... I miss them so. I am in constant fear of running out of time. I have no idea for what but I am always in a hurry to get somewhere, but to where? Guess I am just not happy with where I am. And have been unhappy for a long time. I was happy for a while when I started a new job, moved into a new house, made new friends. But now there is nothing new happening. And I feel I am wasting time if that makes sense. It seems that everyone is moving way ahead of me with their lives and I am always behind no matter what I do.
SPEED DATING
Haha. Not my thing but thought well, you shouldn't knock it till you tried it. So I did. It was a totally surreal experience. Went with a couple of friends. (all younger mind you) Not everyone showed up on time so there were uneven numbers. And of course with my luck I was the only one without a date at the beginning. Yep for 3 minutes I sat there by myself like an idiot. It was GREAAAT.... But as I sat there trying to look nonchalant I observed my environment. From the whistle people started talking, gesturing and generally trying to impress their dates. It was like I was in a chicken coop or something... cluck cluck cluck.....nervous over gesturing and talk.... FANTASTICALS.
Anyway not my thing. It was interesting...guys nice enough but I find 3min to know someone is pretty hard.
London is a strange place. I have a love hate relationship with London. Love the big city feel, galleries, museums, cafes, the apple store, big ben and afternoon tea. Hate queues, weather, housing, pollution, transportation and the loneliness. There are so many people in London yes, but to meet someone is very hard, especially if you are not a real drinker. All I do is work and go home, work, home.
I am pretty bad at relationships. Not sure if it is because I haven't found the right person or if it is fear of commitment. It has been a year and a bit now since I broke up from my bf (I am usually crap with dates but I know it has been over a year because my lovely ex sent me a text saying "happy break up anniversary" He had it on his calendar on his phone!!!! bloody bastard. Funny but harsh) of too many years. It took a while to get over but I think I am almost there. But that is because I haven't seen him. I still have a fear of bumping into him one day with his someone new. But what can you do? You can just not look up that is what you can do! haha.
Ok I am getting bored of my ranting.
time to try to sleep... Hope my flatmate is sleeping now... don't really want to hear any bedroom noises from them when I take out my earphones!!! 
T
he wall between our rooms is paper thin and her bed is right against the wall and I have no where to go!!!! my room is a walk in closet and not a big one at that as one of my other flatmates pointed out...that her walk in was bigger! . Ah london accommodation eh, can't beat it.